I am standing at the precipice.
Toes curled over the edge, contemplating.
Just a few short feet below the edge floats a swirling bank of clouds. Blocking the way down. Is it a short drop into a safe pool of water? Is it a horrifying plummet with jagged rocks below?
I don’t know. Because I can’t see.
Tomorrow I begin chemotherapy for colon cancer.
What hides in the Stygian unknown? I have no frame of reference for what will happen. I understand the process that will occur tomorrow. But how will it effect me?
I hear stories of the ‘short drop’ variety and others of the ‘screaming and flailing’ flavor. What will be my experience?
I obviously won’t find the answers to these questions until I jump. It’s like life, I think. Sometimes the anticipation–the ‘not knowing’–is worse than the reality.
And if we want to fly, we always have to jump.
I choose flight.
My cancer story started last month and a lot of what I have been struggling with before that discovery makes more sense now. I haven’t been actively writing for a long time. The exhaustion went to the bone. It felt like my very soul was worn out. So while I haven’t been able to work on the stories I love lately, it looks like I will have a bit more practice in the realm of creative non-fiction. 🙂