It is that time again, Alphabe-Thursday on Jenny Matlock’s blog. (click on the button to see all the other ‘F’ entries.
F is for Fear
Ah, Halloween. The perfect time for this emotion.
I have always had a love/hate relationship with fear. I liked to be frightened . . . to a point.
But, I have an over-active imagination and so I can’t watch movies that are too scary. My brain just won’t let go of them.
When I was young, my room was in the basement. There wasn’t a window and there wasn’t a door.
There was a doorway, but not a door. Needless to say, when I turned the light out at night, it was dark; really dark.
So, in my head I had to make up ‘rules’. There were rules that all the monsters had to follow.
First and foremost, the rule:
After I turned out the light I had until the count of 10 to get in bed and cover up with my blankets.
Everything under the covers was safe.
Of course I had to add an amendment rule:
My head didn’t count and it could be out of the blankets. (It got too hot trying to keep my head covered)
My bed was against the wall and I had to sleep with my back to the wall.
Now I’m a grownup and I don’t have to do that anymore.
Okay, so maybe I still catch myself counting from time to time. And, when I wake up from nightmares I have to continue the dream in my head until there is a happy conclusion. Then I can go back to sleep.
Now—thanks to my friend Elesa—I have five new ways to die that I can add to a list of fears. (check it out- she’s hysterical)
Back to fear. I think that there are different kinds of fear; different gradations.
We can be afraid of things like spiders, snakes, or pineapple wielding ferrets. We can be afraid of feelings like rejection, humiliation, failure. And, we can fear for our lives or the lives of those we love. Those are all very different feelings, and yet we call them all fear.
So, now I guess it is time for my take on fear.
Kiera stretched and rubbed her neck. I hope I get used to these twelve hour shifts soon. The shower after felt good, but I’m afraid it is going to put me to sleep.
The hospital employee lounge was well-stocked and provided the nurses coming off their shift with a shower or some food. There was a small bed as well for a power nap or two. Kiera walked to the fridge and grabbed a drink. Moving to the mirror, she glanced at her hair. She shook her head as she pulled the wet curls back into a make-shift bun.
My hair is going to be terrible after this, but I’ll take care of it at home. She moved to her locker and grabbed her new jacket. It was a bright yellow, not a color she would normally of purchased, but her family had given it to her as a graduation present. They were so proud of her for getting her degree. The color went nicely with her dark complexion and black hair.
It’s really quiet now. Kiera thought as she stepped out into the hallway. The lights were low for nighttime and the hallway deserted. The only sounds were the quiet noises of the various machines and her footsteps on the linoleum. Her cell phone vibrated once in her pocket.
Why can’t he leave me alone?! Her tiredness was gone. She could feel her heart rate immediately accelerate and her pulse throb in her throat. Always texting. Should I look? She paused in the hall and glanced quickly over each shoulder. With a sigh she pulled out her cell phone to see.
“I KNOW U R THERE. TXT ME BACK.” Kiera felt her stomach flip. She tried to swallow through her suddenly dry throat. Almost immediately there was another text. “HOW DO U LIKE THE NEW JOB? HOSPITAL GOOD?”
How?! How does he know? I haven’t spoken to him in over a year and I thought he left town. I thought he couldn’t come back. She shoved the cell phone in her pocket and whirled around, looking everywhere in the darkened hallway. I’m getting paranoid. He’s doing this to freak me out. He always loved it when I was scared.
She continued out of the building, waving at the reception secretary. She walked to the dark parking lot, humming softly to herself and making a mental shopping list in her mind. She was nearing her car when the phone buzzed again. With a growl of frustration she pulled the phone back out. Her breath caught in her throat and everything went cold. The phone’s bright screen illuminated the night and the terror on her face as she read the message.
“LIKE THE NEW JACKET. U LOOK REAL GOOD IN YELLOW.”